ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
