Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
