Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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