guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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