Already got asked if we're dating
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
