that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
