ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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