You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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