I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Come on in and take your pants off
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