my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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