I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
