She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
