whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
