I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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