Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
