are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My hand turned me down
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
