Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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