she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
