Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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