Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
