Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
