i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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