hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
