We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
