He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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