I cockslap morals
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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