ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
