You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
