her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
