I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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