He asked me if I "almost moaned"
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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