Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
