I'm pants shitting drunk right now
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
