i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
