I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
