I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
