I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
