Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
