I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
