I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
