did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
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