He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's blow job season.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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