Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
