Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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