I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
