If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i think i have two assholes
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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