i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
