there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
so much tequila, so little girl.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
