I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
