just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
