Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize