Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
People with herpes should wear stickers.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
