I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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