Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
