i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
