is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
