What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
