I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
