alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
