he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And then he peed in my hair
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