loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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