I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
